Forty-Five

My mom looked at me today and just said "forty-five". I heard her later on the phone tell my great aunt, "It's hard to believe your baby is 45 when you still think you should be 45."  Kaydence said "dang, you're almost 50!" And people that I like more than both of them said "You look great for 45!" (I kid, I kid! 😂) 

It's weird how aging just kinda creeps up on you. I certainly don't feel 45. At least most days! I'm leaning much more towards my mom's thoughts. I feel like my parents should be 45. And yet, here I am. I took my birthday selfie this morning and all I really saw was happiness and immediately posted it as I waited in the line for my iced coffee. Yes, the iced coffee I gave up weeks ago cause my pants were too tight. I looked back at that picture over and over today and started noticing how wrinkled I've gotten this year. Hours upon hours at the baseball fields, late nights, and the normal stress of life and parenting. But I kept focusing back on the laugh lines. If you know me, you know I laugh and smile a lot. How lucky am I to have a life that has left THAT mark? 

I was thinking today about being a little girl. I mostly played two things. School and baby dolls. I made my brother and my cousins play school all the time and I always got to be the teacher. What a brat! But, I knew early on that I loved school, I loved teachers, and that's what I was going to be when I grew up. Here's me living out the dreams of little Amanda. And the most beautiful part is that it didn't stop there. I knew I wanted to be a momma. And despite the obstacles, here I am living that dream as well. 

Forty-five... it came. And honestly, I wouldn't change a thing. Aging damn sure beats the alternative! 

So here's to another trip around the sun. A toast to the ones that made this year so special. And a nod to all the possibilities of the year to come. 

Always love! 🫰

The End of Sweet Summer Time

Where do I even begin? It's been so long since I've updated. But...life. 

Savannah is 16 (nearly 17) and driving. She had her first job this year as a hostess and thanks to me, she also lost her first job. Despite requesting off, she was scheduled to work during a family reunion in Texas. I told her she absolutely was coming with us. And I'm so glad I did. Those memories with cousins are irreplaceable. She was accepted into the cosmetology program at the votech for her upcoming JR year. Even saying JR year feels like I must be lying. She made the varsity choir and despite our worries that the schedule wouldn't work out, it did. I really don't brag on her enough. She has such a great heart and it comes so natural for her to love and accept people for who they are. You haven't seen her posted much this year but that's because she's so busy making memories with her friends. I remember that time in my life and can't help but smile. I tell people I feel so lucky that she's my starter teen cause she really makes my job pretty easy most days. I am looking forward to seeing her continue to grow into the young lady she's becoming... smart, beautiful, kind, and trustworthy. 

Abram is 9 and heading into 4th grade. This past year has been one of my favorites with him. I spent a lot of years teaching 3rd grade and what I've always said is, that is when they really start to decide who they are amongst their peers. Are you the smart kid, the bully, the athlete? So watching him grow in self awareness has been so enlightening to me, as his mother. He keeps our schedule so full with baseball and although there are times that I dread an upcoming drive or a completely full weekend, there's never a moment when he's out there on the field that I don't absolutely LOVE watching him. He's a natural smart ass (like me) but thank goodness he's also very smart so he's pretty good at knowing when and where to use that wit. He's intelligent, coachable, a good friend, and just a really likeable dude. Can't wait to see what this year holds. 

Miss Kaydence Marie is 6 and going into 1st grade. When Savannah came, I called her sassy pants. Little did I know her baby sister would come jam packed full of more sassiness than I ever could've imagined. She really is a teenager in a mini body. She thoroughly enjoys a little after school gossip session, keeping me updated on the misbehavior of everyone but herself. And surprisingly enough, she actually doesn't get in much trouble at school. I think this is largely due to her ability to form great relationships with adults in her life. I mean, she's hilarious and it makes it hard not to overlook a thing or two once you hear her explanation. There's always a why! I am so excited to watch her grow as a reader this year and hopefully a good leader. One thing about her is she's gonna lead. Our village stays busy making sure she's leading in the right direction. 

She's decided she wants to be a "tapper" this year so we enrolled in a new dance class and she's taking a break from acro. I feel like this is going to be a really fun year for our girl. 

Do I have a favorite kid? Absolutely and it changes all the time. Because the truth is, my life is full of favorite moments with my favorite people. It's Savannah when she sits on the edge of my bed to rant about the injustices of life. Or when she quickly replies to my texts to let me know she's safe. It's her when she quietly shuts the door right at curfew. It's Abram when he crawls up next to me on the couch and still lets me snuggle him for a bit. It's him in those moments I snag pictures after a long weekend of ball. It's him every single time he gets out of the car and looks back to say, "I love you, mom." It's Kaydence when I hear her laughter from across any room and watch the way other people are just as amused by her as I am. It's she and I analyzing life and why ours looks different than other people's. It's her when she walks out in diamond covered high heels and mismatched clothes and responds, "ohh it's fine!" when I tell her to go brush her hair. They ARE my favorite people and I am forever grateful that I get to be one of theirs. 

❤️💙💜

Just Us...

It's time for back to school. It's often hard to believe how time flies right on by whether you are ready or not. 

This year my baby girl will already be a kindergartener. I absolutely loved being at the same school last year and it'll be even more special this year. We will be in the same hall and get to see each other often throughout the day. She already thought she was the queen of the school last year so I'm sure that won't change a bit. I promise she knows all the teachers with the best snacks and treasure boxes and she makes her rounds often. It's the last time I'll share a school with one of my kids, so I plan to soak it all in. She's excited and I'm excited for her. This is such an important year as she and her teacher continue to build that foundation for reading success. I just know she will grow and mature so much too. Kaydence is the messiest little diva you'll ever meet. You can find her digging for bugs in the dirt while wearing high heels and a tutu, with uncombed, wild hair. That's just her nature and I wouldn't change a thing. She told me this week she's going to be a zookeeper and I told her I hope she doesn't get eaten by a tiger! "Uhhh mom, they won't eat the zookeeper. That's who feeds them." Silly me to concern myself with something so trivial. She has the mouth of a teenager (sometimes a sailor) and often says things that leave my jaw on the floor, even though I shouldn't even be surprised anymore. She literally doesn't have a filter. But what she lacks in politeness, she makes up for with the most genuine love and hugs you'll ever receive. One of the first things I ever said about Kaydence is she's sugar and spice. This remains true. 

My favorite dude in the world is going to be a 3rd grader. That blows my mind. He's growing up on me and even though the snuggles and hugs are less, I continue to be his safe place. When he's scared, frustrated, sad, or tired, he still comes to momma. He's always been a momma's boy and I sure hope that never changes. He loves to be outside and on the move. If you can't find him watching Sandlot in the middle of his million stuffies or searching YouTube for a new "walk up" song, I guarantee he's outside throwing a baseball, shooting hoops, or tossing the football with his buddy. He tells me he wants to be a dentist. The kid I have to threaten to brush his teeth. Mommas, does this ever change with boys? Anyway, at this rate, he should be very familiar with a dental office. Lol. Abram's smart enough to be whatever he wants to be with his little elephant memory. So here we go with cursive and multiplication facts when I feel like yesterday was diapers and learning his colors. Slow down baby boy, my head is spinning trying to catch up to how far we've come. 

My girl, my broke bestie, is going to be a Sophomore. That doesn't seem possible. I told someone this week that my default answer for her this summer has been yes. Yes you can go swimming with friends. Yes you can have another sleepover. Yes you can stay up all night and sleep all day. Because the truth is, this was her last summer to just be a kid. She will start driving this fall and next summer will begin the responsibility of having a job. We all know life moves quick from here. But what a privilege it is to have a teenager that I can continue to say yes to. She is not perfect and I still have to check that attitude from time to time, but overall, she's such a respectful and responsible young lady. Her beauty really shines inside and out. I am so looking forward to this year for her, and for me to have a personal chauffeur whenever I want it.  She made it through the trenches of that freshman year and will move into this one with more confidence and hightened survival skills. I am so grateful for the open communication we've built moving into this next phase. I really feel like it's the most essential piece to raising a teen. We are learning and growing together at every turn. I love my tender hearted Sav, Savy, Neena, Neena Bobina, Savannah! 

Me...well, I'm starting my 20th year in the classroom. It physically brings tears to my eyes to think of all the kiddos and families I've been blessed to know along the way.

 The last couple years have felt difficult on a personal level and my focus has seemingly been primarily on raising my kids. But what I'm realizing is in the quiet moments in between, I've been in a season of growth. Tucked away in my cocoon, doing the hard work. I'm learning that maybe at 43 I'm the most confident version of myself that I've ever been. I look at what I've built and I feel so proud of me. So thankful for my little life. I walk my path, with peace, knowing I chose the right one and being filled by the beauty of it all. 

Here's to the next chapter. May it be full of growth and love for us all. 🫶🏼💜💙❤️

Little "Red" School

Where do I even begin? You've spent a decade helping me raise my babies. You were there for my very first foster placement and every one that followed. You've loved and supported me through all the beautiful and messy parts. You've all been there to see us become a forever family and along the way you became a part of our little family too. 

You've been there for all my Mother's Days, sending home the most thoughtful gifts that will stay tucked away safely so I can remember them little, just how you always will. 

 I've trusted you day after day to love my babies and keep them safe. You've been there from diapers to potty training and terrible tantrums to a beautifully developed vocabulary.  You've been nothing short of amazing! 

Ashley, I don't think I would have made it without some of our lengthy office visits. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for always being there when I needed an ear. Your frienship means the world to me. 

Ms.Nita, I can't think of a more precious soul to have loved on my baby boy. You were such a special start. My heart rested easy every day leaving him with you. 

Miss Sarah, love simply pours out of you. Every child that ever gets to be in your class is so lucky to have been loved by you. My children are no exception. You are so special to us. 

Ms. Marcia, I can't thank you enough for loving the ornery parts of my kiddos! All the days we both shook our heads at each other over the things Miss Kaydence would say and do. I knew you'd start over with them the next day and love the heck out of them, while trying your best to get those behaviors straightened out! 

Ms. Sandy, you're one of a kind. Thank you for your patience and kindness. Thank you for getting my littles ready for big school. I was so impressed with how much they learned and grew in your class. 

To all the rest of the staff over the years and Ms. Janet, thank you, thank you, thank you for being a part of our journey. 

This isn't goodbye but see ya around! I'm not good at goodbyes which is why I'm writing this today instead of next week when I do my final pickup. I'll  be a complete mess. 

We've shared lots of love, tears, and definitely plenty of laughs. I am forever grateful for each one of you! 🫶🏼❤️💙💜

A Poem for my Children

I'm looking at my babies who aren't babies anymore. I glance at each one and tally the score. Am I doing enough? Am I pouring in? Did the loss that we took actually equal a win? 

The past year was absolutely full of ups and downs. I struggled myself to not ultimately drown. I pulled myself up for the ones that I love and found in the process I was always enough. I learned once again to love me the most, so that love could pour out leaving them fully dosed. I've watched us hurt and watched us grow. I'm seeing the fruit of the seeds that I sow. 

As we press on into the next chapter, I will always pursue a home full of laughter. May they always know how much they are loved... that they're cherished, adored, the greatest gift from above. 

It's okay to NOT...

I feel compelled to say, it's okay to NOT. Especially this time of year. 

The older I get, the more I realize how unbelievably stressful this time of year can be on people. I talked to a friend the other day that said when her kids were little they spent the holidays going from one family to the other and didn't really enjoy their time because they were hustling from one place to the next to make sure they saw everyone. Is this your family? It's okay to NOT. Are you tired of not gaining any peace from this season?  Just make a decision to stay home with YOUR family. Make plans to visit at different times throughout the year. Meet up weeks ahead of Christmas or have Christmas in July. 

Are you wondering if you need to buy small gifts for everyone at your office or school? All the kids in a huge family? Your childrens' teachers? It's okay to NOT. Every year I receive lots of little gifts from students, other teachers, friends. I do not reciprocate. It's hard enough to plan and prepare for Christmas for my own family. My love language is not giving and receiving of gifts. I decided years ago that it was pointless to drain my energy and finances. I'd much rather you send me a text wishing me a Merry Christmas or give me a call during those weird days between Christmas and New Years so we can catch up. 

Are you so sick of your Elf on the Shelf? It's okay to NOT. The elf was fun for me for one year. One. After that he became a pain in the ass. We still have an elf, but he doesn't do elaborate pranks or really much of anything special. That little sucker just flies around sitting in different places. He occasionally goes all out and plays with toys. It's okay if your kids don't have an elf. 

If your primary love language is giving and receiving of gifts, I understand that it's your time to shine. Consider spending your extra money on an Angel Tree child and buying the name brands instead of knock offs. Reach out to your local DHS and sponsor a foster child. There are lots of ways we can make this time of year meaningful as well as peaceful. 

Extend some grace to yourself and others. We're all doing our best. Remember that to all the things bringing you stress this holiday season, it's okay to NOT. 

Lots of love. ❤️

Archery

There once was a little girl that won a bow....

It's hard to put into words what it's meant to watch my girl these past four years. It's been incredible to see her grow as an athlete, bringing home box fulls of team and individual medals, plaques, state championships, and a national championship. It's been even more incredible to see what this sport has done for her as a young lady. When I think back to watching her shoot her first year, you could see her emotions all over her. One bad shot and her shoulders dropped, head hung. To see her become disciplined, in control of her emotions on the good days and bad, is a priceless piece to this journey. 

To her coaches, I can't thank you enough. Atteberry and Hamersley...thank you for the fundamentals and giving my scrawny little 5th grader a chance. Thank you for putting up with the tears (oh the tears) and the moodiness. Thank you for making it fun. No one should ever be that happy to win a bag of chips and yet here we are. Burchill, thank you for the calm presence you brought to the table as a coach. Thank you for teaching her she was the one in control of that bow as well as her emotions. Avila, thanks so much for stepping up for these kids when they needed you. Thank all of you for the countless hours of practice. I've let you guys bus my daughter all over the state and 4 times to Kentucky and I've never worried one bit. I always knew you'd look after her. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

To the other archery moms, thanks for all the pictures, early morning rides, and for looking after my girl when I wasn't there. It really takes a village. 

To APS (and the crazy staff that volunteers to go across the country as sponsors of moody, smelly teenagers)and our great community, thank you for supporting the Bulldog Archery program. From donations to fundraisers, you always helped make it happen! 

To my Savannah, from the moment you walked to the car, holding back tears because you hadn't made the cut for that first tournament, I knew that archery would have a great impact on your life. What I already knew about you, that your coaches didn't, is that you are unbelievably competitive. I simply told you to practice harder. You came out the next week to the Altus tournament and placed 2nd. You never looked back. Archery has helped you grow so much as a person. Sure I've been proud of all the awards. Watching you shoot your PB 292 in Altus will always be a highlight for me as your mom. BUT, getting a text from another archery parent telling me what a sweet girl you are or how helpful you've been to the younger archers, makes my heart so absolutely full. I couldn't be more proud of you. I have no idea what the future holds for you and this sport, but just know I'm always here supporting you.