Thank you doesn't seem sufficient...

To our village...

We wouldn't make it without you. You're the ones that have made sure I had everything I needed to welcome these special kids into my home. You're the ones that sat with me when I just needed someone to listen. You heard me cry and cried with me, you've also been there to celebrate each step we made in the right direction. You're the ride my daughter needs to school at 7:30 when Bubba wakes up sick. You're the teacher that always loves her FIRST and teaches her second. You're the ones that love on my baby boy when I work and look the other way when he drags in that filthy blanket that I have to fight him to wash, even though it's supposed to be in his cubby! You're tagged in and gave momma a much needed night off or girls' weekend. You're the friends of my children. You're my coworkers and friends, my former teachers, and old classmates. You're the text I needed that day, the smile, the encouraging word, the gift card, the hand me downs, the hug, the endless amount of prayers. You are the hands and feet of Christ. You are so many things that I can't even find the words for...please know how dear you are to me...to us. We love you and we thank you. 

Preston, you were such a Godsend. From the moment that the panic set in and my mom started making calls, I think I was on the phone directly with you in less than 10 minutes. You have reassured me so many times along the way. Thank you for seeing my heart and for fighting alongside me for their future. 

Caitlyn, I honestly feel like we're family forever now. You're stuck with us. Thank you for being you. I have no doubt that God joined us so we could make the world a little bit better together. Thank you for all the love you've given to us and how willing you've always been to take the extra time to talk me through it all. Thank you for always listening to Sister's "one more thing".  You're willingness to go the extra mile has not gone unnoticed. This is a new and different chapter, but we sure hope when we turn the pages, we still find you there. 

Patience, Jason, and Harper, thank you so much for the love you give our little family. God made no mistakes in allowing our paths to cross. We are bonded forever by an unspoken understanding of just what this journey means. We love you guys so much. 

Amber, from the moment to stork came to the moment I had our forever date, you've been by my side. You're friendship is more precious than gold. Having someone always willing to lend an ear is what got me through some of the very hardest days. If anyone knows my ugly cry in the past few years, it's you. You've been with me at my best and worst and loved me all the same. Thank you for loving us...you're the best Elmo out there and we're so glad you're ours. 

To my family, from the very moment I took this leap, you decided to jump right in with me. The way you've loved my children has helped them learn what family is all about. I wish I had time to thank you all individually but I honestly could write a whole book. I will say that I am so excited that we have the promise of holidays and reunions and fun cousin weekends that we will forever get to share. 

Aunt BeeBee, Get ready... we have many many Albuquerque trips ahead. It's like everytime life has me feeling a bit in the gutter, we somehow find each other and a way to laugh so hard it hurts. Everytime you see my kids, love pours from you. I see it. I love it, and I thank you for it. We love you so much!

My beautiful and strong Aunts, You are the lighthouse I can turn to when the waters get rough. Your example of following Christ, trusting God's timing, and walking through life with an unshakable faith has been the example that led me to who I am today. You are my greatest cheerleaders when that's what I most need, and also the ones I can count on to tell me the ugly truths. Thank you for the love you've always given me,  that now extends right down to my babies. I love you so so much. 

My Bubba Carl, TaTa, and our Chan-Man, we are so lucky to have you in our worlds. There's nothing better than watching our kids chase each other through the house or splash around on a hot summer day. Uncle Carl, thanks for being the fun uncle that rides scooters, fills up water balloons, and gets into shenanigans with Sky! Christina, thank you for all the back porch talks.  My precious Chandler, I love you so much and I am so lucky that my kids get to have YOU for a cousin. From OU games on the patio to that Disney World trip that we WILL someday take, our memories have just begun to be made. 

D and DJ, aka The Original Gooftroop, we love you so much. DJ we know you'll soon spread those wings and head out into the big world,  but I sure hope you remember that there are two little kids that think you hung the moon, that will always need you to fly back home from time to time. D, you're our rock. You show up when I'm about to lose my mind and all of the sudden I'm not so overwhelmed. You've opened your heart to these kids in such a special way...and everytime on day one. It amazes me. All our lives are better because you're around. We love you both so so much!! 

Mom and Dad, where do I even start? You led by example. You truly taught me that no matter how little you may have, you help others when you can. My childhood is full of examples of you doing just that. If given a choice of where to spend the day, 10 out of 10 times, my kids would choose Lollie and Pops. It's because of who you are.  If everyday I was given the choice to pick any set of parents on the planet, I'd pick you every single time. Honestly, I can't thank you enough for all the support you've given me. I know you have hurt along the way with me...you've been through all the ups and downs and ins and outs...and I know you feel just like me today...it was all worth it. 

Savannah Ann, aka... Sassypants, Maybelline, Bernice, Savi, Neena, you are everything I didn't even know I needed. When it was just me and brother I didn't think I had room in my heart for anything else, but God cleared out a big huge open space that has your name on it. The first day I met you, I knew that our family wouldn't be complete without you. I prayed so hard for God to bring you safely to me. You are the most resilient person I've ever known. I am in awe of you, my dear. I told you that God replanted you here because he knew it was where you'd grow best. I have loved watching you bloom over the past year. You make me so proud to be your momma. I am so grateful that your angel voice will forever be a part of my life. You are an unbelievably great big sister. Your baby brother adores you more than you can even realize right now. He will look to you many times in life for guidance and love. I know you will always be there for him. Sis, you make me a better person. Being your momma, is my greatest adventure. I love you more. 

Abram Patrick, aka Baby Love, Tootie,  Brother Bear, the sun rises and sets on you. You are most definitely running the show here, and we all know it. It's amazing how quickly you can wrap people around your little finger. Your smile lights up my life. You make us laugh daily with your goofy little personality.  You make the world a brighter place. I've never been more scared of anything in my life than I was of losing you. I see now how much I have grown in the past couple years...how much God has restored my faith, and carefully put each piece into place, and I know we were always meant to be right here. We just had a little bit of an uphill climb to get here. You were the one that made me a momma, and man did God get it right. Of all the little boys in the world., you're the perfect match for me. Our journey has been long but baby boy, I'd do it all over again a million times just to be your momma. 

Tissue and Confetti Poppers

Time to grab the tissue and confetti poppers. We have a date! 

Many choose not to celebrate. Some even frown upon others treating adoption as a day to celebrate. This marks the end of a primary connection and that is tragic. I completely understand that position and respect that every situation is different, every child is different, and every family dynamic has different needs. For us, that's not what our adoption day is about. We work on our grief in therapy and long heart to hearts. We sing our way through heartache and love each other like crazy on the hard days.  

This adoption is a day of new beginnings. A day that we get to begin walking a new path together with the promise of forever. This day is celebrating two siblings that life so easily could have separated. These two will share holidays til they are old and grey. They get to do life together. They will have each other, and that is most certainly something to celebrate. We have been a family for quite some time now, and we are happy to celebrate it becoming official. Adoption day is a day of thanking all those that have been on this journey with us....some in prayer, others with gifts, and the very special members of our tribe have held us close as tears streamed down our faces, and jumped for joy along with us on days like today. You've held us up when we felt hopeless and you've rejoiced alongside us too. We love you for it! 

It's been a journey of tears, even more prayers, and the acceptance that healing isn't a race but rather a slow peeling back of layers to reveal the you that you were always meant to be....the you that trauma tried to hide. It has been the very difficult task of learning to trust God's timing... Learning to lean in to listen to that still, small voice. It has been full of ALL the emotions that one person can feel...and all of these things have led us here...to ADOPTION!

Brought together by loss, in a state of grief... Now bound together by love, in a state of hope. 

10th Trip Around the Sun

I wondered if anyone would come?!. It's hard to start something new. Think about the last time you started a new job. You wondered if you'd like anyone that you worked with...would you be miserable or would it be great? Imagine someone uprooting you from everything you've ever known. Planting you in a completely new environment and just "hoping" you'd grow. I'm almost certain we aren't the norm...because she is flourishing. 

I really wondered who would show up for her party. She's been here a year. That's really not so long to build friendships at her age. Most besties, at her age, have parents that are friends and they've "grown up" together. She had to start from scratch with a pretty unsocial mom. I mean, my parents are my besties. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I watched her struggling last year with friendships. I see so much of her mother in her and it breaks my heart in the hardest and best of ways. Her mother is strong enough to have survived things I can't even imagine. She passed that down. Her mother has a whole lotta sass...just like my Sassypants. I am grateful for the strength her mother gave her. I also see the way she has hesitated to form lasting bonds and quickly gave up on friendships. I know this is a learned behavior. Trust is HARD. 

She is blossoming into such a beautiful young lady. 10 years young. She's full of life. She love love loves her family. She loves school and her school friends. She loves her teacher...which I have no doubt,  God handpicked for a time such as this. She is boy crazy...one in particular and I pray he never breaks her heart. Hell, I pray none of em break her heart cause I'm mad just thinking about it! I know they will. And I know that the strength of both of her mommas will carry her through it. She is making friends. She has a bestie, and we are so grateful for Harper. They share the experience of both coming from foster care and into adoption. I mean seriously...what a blessing for them to have each other. I shared with my girl last night that her mother had sent a happy birthday message. Without missing a beat, Harper smiled the sweetest smile and asked my girl if she was ok. She smiled back....nodded... didn't say a word, and they continued making slime. 

She is in between being a little girl and a big girl and I'm so grateful I get to help guide her from here. She won't let the Barbies and baby dolls go but they mostly collect dust while she makes smile and listens to music (singing loud enough for God and all the angels to hear) on the tablet. She is the very best big sister and she's just as amused as I am with all that little brother says and does. She's beautiful to me. Truly and honestly a miracle considering what her first 8 yrs held. 

Her party was amazing. It was full of everything a 10 year old would want. Her friends came. They giggled and had a ball. I worried about the unknown and it turned out to be perfectly fine. I'm sure I'll do more of that along the way, but I also hope I get even better at trusting that things have such a beautiful way of working themselves out.

 

My Sassy girl....I am absolutely terrified for your teenage years. The only possible advantage I can see with you continuing to age is that someday you can help to Uber your brother around cause I'm sure he'll be busy...and Lord knows I'll be tired! 

This year will hold our promise for forever. 

Here's to your 10th trip around the sun. 

The Pages Turn...Now What?

The process is filled with unknowns. How long will they be with me? Will their parents work their plans? Will there be visits? Reunification? When is the next court date, and what will happen? It's extremely hard to navigate emotionally. I'm a planner and for so many things to be out of my control, has truly tested my faith and grown my trust in the idea of "what's meant to be, will be". There have been days of extreme sadness and fear and days where tears of joy fell uncontrollably. Somedays both were mixed all together. It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it. Every little piece has led to now, and now is right where we want to be.

Along the way, I felt like when we could get to adoption that I would feel an overwhelming sense of relief, and we would begin moving forward without much struggle. There is now a whole new path but it will not always be smooth.

Sister is struggling off and on with the permanency of it all. She is happy about adoption but that happiness is still walking hand in hand with the grief and trauma of losing everything she ever knew as normal for the first 8 years of her life. Last week, we had Big and Little over for a sleepover and she asked me, "how did their mom get them back from you?"  I realized in that moment that she still does and may always feel "taken" from her family. How hard for her. How hard for me. We had a good long talk , as we have a hundred times before. I like to tell her that God planted her where he knew she could bloom best. She struggles with wondering why she wasn't "enough" for her parents to do the same thing Big and Little's mom did for them. I am aware it will be our lives work to accept all the reasons we ARE ENOUGH. She is so smart and so aware of the hard truths of addiction and all the disappointment and heartache that comes from loving an addict. It truly bonds us to share this understanding.

I don't want to leave you with the impression that this is more heavy on the difficult than joyful side. Sister randomly says things like,  "this is the greatest day of my life!" "I really am living my best life!" "I love our family so much!" When I ask her, if she had a choice, where she'd want to be, she always chooses with me and brother, as a family forever. She is the best big sister. They spend quality time together and genuinely love each other. I call her the "baby whisperer" because when he's in full meltdown mode, she has a magic power to bring him out of it. I know that they wouldn't be complete without each other. It was always God's plan to bring them together, and I am so grateful for that.

My current struggle lies in the decisions I will make from here. I am a protector and I know that when possible I have to shield their little hearts from unnecessary trauma. I have to be willing to make the tough decisions to exclude people from our lives that cannot commit to healthy relationships. I fear that someday this will make me the bad guy. On the flipside, I'm hopeful that they will grow to understand that I only wanted to make the choices that caused the least pain and led to the most growth.

When I think about the couple weeks that brother spends in California each year and how hard it is for my momma heart, it causes my heart to break for their natural mother. Sure, her choices led to this, but she is not without the same heartache I feel. To be separated from your babies, and at the mercy of another human being to find out any or no information about how they are and what kind of little people they are growing into. I only have to feel this longing for a couple weeks at a time. She will feel this for a lifetime. I pray for her. I honestly pray that someday we will be able to establish a healthy relationship in which she can be a part of our family. That is in God's hands. I will make the tough decisions, day by day and year by year. I will ask God to continue to break my heart for what breaks His. Show me the next right step and help me remember that love is full of compassion and stories of redemption.

The next chapter will begin soon. I believe it will be full of beauty and triumph. We are happy. We are blessed. We continue to grow. As always, we appreciate your love, support, and prayers! 💙🥰❤

Intragram

Over the course of this year, I've found myself following several foster families on Instagram. Most of these families are very large, mom and dad, 5 plus kids, huge house with all white decor, and apparently a personal photographer that captures every moment in their freshly cleaned kitchen. Based on the mess I'm trying to keep up with in our house, I'm sure they have a housekeeper.

Last night as I looked through some of these families' pictures, I searched for something that looked familiar...a Paw Patrol toy, some dirty socks on the floor, crumbs...oh the crumbs. Couldn't find it. I started wondering what it would be like to live in a house like that. They all look happy in their pictures. Are they? I asked myself if I was envious...not really. Except maybe the housekeeper part.

I started reading the captions and what I realized is that even though our homes, our clothes, and our pictures are quite different, our stories are much the same. Court dates, prayers, heartache, tears, joy, connection, trauma, memories, and love are the things that fill all our homes big and small. They have the same hopes and fears that I have. They want to share love and stability with their children and they pray desperately that the love and stability they've shown will never again be absent from their children's lives.

When I think back to my childhood, most of my best memories were made in a rickety two bedroom home with all our cousins and friends piled in the living room on pallets. We'd leave the ballfields late a night and my parents would bring half the team home for a sleepover. Mom would grab a couple dozen tacos and we would picnic on the floor. If we had games the next day, she'd leave late to go to my grandparents or the laundromat and wash our uniforms. I wish I could give her a dollar for all the grass and dirt stains she scrubbed out.

I'm grateful for my childhood and equally as grateful for the life I'm able to give my children. Our home is small, but it is HOME. It is full of love and laughter and sometimes it's really messy. I'm grateful that there's not a photographer capturing us at the dinner table, eating Sonic...again.

I'm not really sure the reason behind why I was lead to share these thoughts, but maybe to remind us that we're more alike than we are different. Appearances can be deceiving. Or maybe it was simply to remind us that childhood is precious, and it doesn't need to be flashy to be spectacular.

Plot Twist

I truly walked into today with confidence. I felt good about what would happen in court. I had played through each of the scenarios that seemed possible for weeks in my head and worked hard to prepare my heart for any of the outcomes I'd imagined. It was finally here...a termination hearing.

All the boxes had been checked, all the ducks seemed to be in a nice little row, and in my heart I believed that God and the judge on that stand were about to free my baby boy for me to adopt. He's been with me over 20 months. We haven't heard a peep from his mother in over 6 months, nor has she made any effort to stay in touch with her attorney or DHS. His dad has been MIA since the day he came into custody. We had the paternal grandparents that surfaced this time last year and decided to pursue custody. God worked on all our hearts and in the past year, we somehow became united in what was best for our boy. We've openly communicated, met halfway to exchange our sweet boy for visits, and finally agreed that an open adoption was best for everyone. They are slowly but surely becoming more like family. I've never met A's dad but oddly enough his parents are starting to feel like inlaws. It's been a whirlwind of emotions, family team meetings, court dates, more court dates, rehabs, arrests, visits, no visits, calls, and no calls. It's been crying my heart out to God and sometimes it's crying myself to sleep. I've experienced hope, and unbelievable frustration. I've felt all the highs and all the lows that are foster care. I really had high hopes that today would be the day that all of that became a part of the back story of the rest of our lives...together.

Sis has been with us for 9 months. It's weird to say that because it seems like she's always been a part of our story. Bub and I couldn't imagine life without her. Since there's been so much less time that she's been in custody, I was totally prepared for the judge to leave the door open today on her parental rights, especially where dad is concerned. He surfaced...well semi surfaced a few weeks back. He had been in contact with his attorney and spoke about being willing to relinquish his rights in an open adoption. The sympathetic side of me understood that he knows what's best for her but can't really phathom NEVER being able to see her again. The momma bear in me was pissed the fuck off that he would even think this was an option. I want to scream at him "YOU WERE HER PERSON!!!" We haven't heard from him since October. He just walked away and didn't look back. I've held her while she cried herself to sleep, drive her weekly to therapy so she can process the feelings of abandonment and betrayal, and been everything to her that a momma should be. No, you don't just get to walk in and out of my girl's life. She deserves so much more.

Today, none of that mattered. It was all in the past and it had all led to THIS...

My mom went with me. She's my greatest support....always. We waited, what seemed like forever outside the court room. Several families went in and back out but our name wasn't called. Finally people started filtering out of the court room. I see familiar DHS faces, attorneys, and even the judge. The case worker stops to tell us the judge wanted to talk with everyone outside of the courtroom and be briefed before we started our case. They all went into what seemed like a super secret room where super secret information would be shared. My mind raced, and I wished more than anything that I could be a fly on the wall. We waited some more. Finally a familiar face emerged from the room. She was in a hurry but said this walking by, "good news, and uhhh delayed good news."  I really don't know what this means but I scroll through my brain files of possible scenarios. I looked at mom and briefly we both came to the conclusion that they would be terminating parental rights for brother bear and we would have to wait  awhile longer for sister to be ours. I could live with that. I had prepared my heart  for this scenario. A few minutes goes by and she comes back to explain what she meant. "There was an error in the publication for 'Baby A'. We will have to re-publish and set a new date. Everything is squared away for sister though."

What??? An error. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. As she walked away, I could feel the sting of tears filling my eyes. We hadn't even been into the court room yet so I knew I had to keep it together. I walked to the bathroom and gained my composure. I sat back down with mom and I looked at her. She was just as shook as I was. I didn't know what to say or even what to think. Almost like a wave coming over me, God spoke to my heart. "You have to remember that HER being yours is JUST as important as him being yours." The privilege and responsibility of being both of their parent has to hold equal importance in my heart. That's not always been the easiest. God wanted me to hear that message loud and clear today and boy have I!

We started with sisters case and I'm not lying when I say it lasted less than 5 minutes. The judge asked the DA to speak. He spoke that publication had been complete and asked for termination of parental rights. The judge allowed both parent's attorneys to speak (neither parent was actually present),but didn't seem to care much at all what they had to say. He told them both that their clients had had plenty of notification and still weren't present. He quickly terminated rights.  The judge thanked me...yea..never had that happened before. He said "thank you on behalf of the state, and me personally for what you do. I could never do it but I'm so appreciative of you stepping up for these kids." Whoooow...that's it? It's done. We seriously start talking adoption from here forward.

On to brothers case...I am so thankful that the "error bomb" wasn't dropped on me right there in the court room. It may not have been pretty. God knew what I needed and provided that small window for me to prepare. With the error, nothing of substance could happen today. We have a new court date and a CORRECT publication going out soon. It was hard to walk out of there without the outcome I had so desperately hoped and prayed for, but I will hold onto the judges last words "We will be back August 22nd for termination." 

The drive home from court was full of phone calls to family. We are all so excited that sister is going to be forever ours. No one is more excited than she! When I finally got to talk to her and told her the judges decision, she screamed and grabbed me so tight. We wept tears of joy, together, in one another's arms. She kept saying "I get to be with you FOREVER!" We went to lunch together and she looked across the table at me and smiled. She said "Mom, you're going to be there when I'm a teenager, and when I get married, and when I have a baby...ohhh I know you're gonna cry when you see my baby for the first time!" Yes, my sweet girl, I'm going to be there for all those things, I'm going to be there for YOU.

I am so grateful to God that He trusted me . I am so grateful that he is constantly teaching me how to better trust HIM! I have all the faith that in the not so distant future, these babies will be officially mine, and we can continue on writing the stories of each of our lives...together!

My Choir Girl

My heart broke wide open and love poured from my eyes.

When she came, she came with scars that told a story of the past, open wounds that needed immediate attention, and infection that needed to be slowly and carefully cleaned allowing new, healthy tissue to grow. It was work. It is work. It doesn't happen quickly. Assess. Reassess. Act. Repeat.

When I look at her, I see the little girl in me. I see the teenager, the young adult, the mother and friend. I know the struggle to feel enough in a world that tells you that you aren't. I know how hard it is to trust again when you've been betrayed. I see how beautiful she is and yet I hear her reject compliments. In the places I don't see me, I search for ways to connect with her. I watch her struggling to build friendships because when she has, she always had to leave them, never learning of lasting relationships.

When I watched her take that stage tonight, it all melted away. She was so small, and yet she was so BIG. I could, in those moments, see no more scars or wounds. I could see her future. I could see her healed. I could see the many steps that she has and will take to recover from an unjust start. I could see that the wounds I usually see were actually the very things that had made her strong...BIG. Tears streamed down my cheeks. After the performance, I met her in the hall. She ran and jumped into my arms. I wept. She wiped my tears and began to cry too. I told her that I didn't believe I had ever felt so proud in all of my life. I think we both understood the significance of that moment. We walked toward the car, in the rain, hand in hand. I felt more alive.

Sister, we are in this together. We are learning and growing. We are doing the hard work. I won't stop fighting until you are forever mine. Be brave. Be bold. Sing in the shower. Laugh. Cry. Build friendships. Baby girl, continue to seek the thing, the place that temporarily allows everything to melt away. The place that allows you to leave the baggage at the door. The thing that let's you be unapologetically you. If it is center stage, then take center stage every opportunity you get. If it is in a quiet corner, flipping through the pages of a novel, then visit every bookstore on this side of the sun.

Nap Time 😴😫🥛😴👊🙏😴

I dearly love a good nap on a Saturday afternoon. When Baby was little, we snoozed for a good couple hours every Saturday. Naps haven't ended but it takes a SERIOUS amount of effort lately to get him down. Like I mean I REALLY need a nap after I get him to sleep. Bedtime is great. He lays down and goes to sleep. Nap...not so much. It takes tears, prayers, an act of Congress, negotiations, milk, more milk, and a level of exhaustion that can't be denied to reach nap the past few weekends. He has become an avid fighter of home naps and my heart is breaking! Ha!

Me: Pretending to be asleep 😴
Him: Pats my face softly "Momma, momma...luh youuu!"
Me: Tries to be strong...can't. "Momma loves you too. Close your eyes and take a nap."
Him: Makes car sounds, blows spit bubbles, kicks legs, changes positions 10 times, says every word he knows X2, makes animal sounds after each animal named, pats my face..."momma...milk?"
Me: I am strong...😴
Him: "Momma...luh youuu. Momma, momma, mommmmmmmaaaa, milk?"
Me: "ok, I'll get you some milk but then you have to take a nap."
Him: drinks milk..."tank u momma"
Me:" You're welcome...now take a nap. Momma loves you."
Him: "Luh uuuuu momma" closes eyes!
Me: yes...he's going to sleep!
Him: "Dinosaur" (yes, he can say dinosaur incredibly well for a 2yr old) "dinosaur (X50)"
Me: Pretending to be asleep 😴
Him: flips around to stick his feet in my face "mell momma...eewwwe"
Me: Pretending to be asleep 😴
Him: flips back around to open my eyelids
Me: giggles...(very bad move btw!)
Him: giggles and stands up to jump and clap...oh it's party time now! Momma is awake and she's laughing!!
Me: "Do you wanna go to sleep by yourself, in your bed?"
Him: Lays down quickly
Me: Pretending to be asleep 😴
Him: repeats every known word X3, 500 position changes, pats to my face feel less full of love 😂, "Momma...1 more milk...peeeeze!"
Me: "Fine...1 more drink of milk, but then it's seriously time to take a nap"
Him: drinks milk...closes eyes...FINALLY falls asleep!
Me: "Thank you Jesus!" Moves him to his bed. 😴😴😴
Still Me: Folds a load of laundry, washed a few dishes, pick up some toys, respond to a couple texts, grab a super quick shower, check Facebook (another big mistake btw!)..ahh now on to a nap...
Him: "Mommmaaa!"

Before you say I'm soft...I know I am! I know that I should put him in his crib for a nap and let him "cry it out". But I'm soft. Super soft. Plus, during the "cry it out" at bedtime phase, my neighbor actually messaged to make sure everything was ok! His cry sounds like he's being tortured. I happen to love the 20 times he tells me "luh u momma" while he desperately tries to avoid sleep. I miss rocking him to sleep at night and for naps already. I know these naps will eventually disappear completely and I'll miss the sweet and funny moments. So I will fight for them as long as I can. By 3 years old, it may take 25 cups of milk, and I may be getting punched in the face, but as long as he still says "luh u" and I still get rewarded with a Saturday nap or the idea of one, then the fight will go on.