My Choir Girl

My heart broke wide open and love poured from my eyes.

When she came, she came with scars that told a story of the past, open wounds that needed immediate attention, and infection that needed to be slowly and carefully cleaned allowing new, healthy tissue to grow. It was work. It is work. It doesn't happen quickly. Assess. Reassess. Act. Repeat.

When I look at her, I see the little girl in me. I see the teenager, the young adult, the mother and friend. I know the struggle to feel enough in a world that tells you that you aren't. I know how hard it is to trust again when you've been betrayed. I see how beautiful she is and yet I hear her reject compliments. In the places I don't see me, I search for ways to connect with her. I watch her struggling to build friendships because when she has, she always had to leave them, never learning of lasting relationships.

When I watched her take that stage tonight, it all melted away. She was so small, and yet she was so BIG. I could, in those moments, see no more scars or wounds. I could see her future. I could see her healed. I could see the many steps that she has and will take to recover from an unjust start. I could see that the wounds I usually see were actually the very things that had made her strong...BIG. Tears streamed down my cheeks. After the performance, I met her in the hall. She ran and jumped into my arms. I wept. She wiped my tears and began to cry too. I told her that I didn't believe I had ever felt so proud in all of my life. I think we both understood the significance of that moment. We walked toward the car, in the rain, hand in hand. I felt more alive.

Sister, we are in this together. We are learning and growing. We are doing the hard work. I won't stop fighting until you are forever mine. Be brave. Be bold. Sing in the shower. Laugh. Cry. Build friendships. Baby girl, continue to seek the thing, the place that temporarily allows everything to melt away. The place that allows you to leave the baggage at the door. The thing that let's you be unapologetically you. If it is center stage, then take center stage every opportunity you get. If it is in a quiet corner, flipping through the pages of a novel, then visit every bookstore on this side of the sun.