I want to share a little story. A month or so ago, I started seeing my friends post about the cat killer documentary. One Saturday morning I decided to check it out. I didn't even make it 5 minutes in, and I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. I turned it off. I TURNED IT OFF, and I will never watch it because of how it almost instantly made me feel. It just wasn't for me. I didn't become enraged with the makers of the documentary. I didn't scroll back through Facebook and lash out at the friends who had recommended it. I didn't create a long dramatic Facebook post about it. I simply turned it off.
If you hated the halftime show, if it made you uncomfortable, you had that same power. You are entitled to feel whatever you feel, but please remember YOU control whether or not YOU decided to continue watching or not. If it made you feel uneasy or like some of the posts I read, if you found it "tasteless" or "overly sexual", you had the power to change the channel. I saw one person comment "It wasn't for me, I switched over to the puppy bowl", and I wanted to applaud them. To those who were "disgusted" by the performance, my question is, how'd you make it all the way to the pole dancing portion? Why didn't you change the channel? Were you also offended by a shirtless Adam last year? Beyonce in 2013? She always puts on a sexy performance. Or was it just the pole that was too much for you? A common theme I saw was women saying that's not the example that they want set for their daughters or granddaughters, I just hope they didn't hear your outrage and disgust verbalized. I hope not because I hope that in high school she doesn't judge the dance team and cheerleaders or the strong gymnasts in their uniforms and leotards or that athlete in her short tight track shorts working hard for a college scholarship. I hope she sees they're living out their dreams. I pray she doesn't spend her prom judging whose dress is too revealing and whose is appropriate. I REALLY hope she's the one on the dance floor, dancing like no one's watching. Maybe even, God forbid, doing some booty shaking, with her head thrown back, laughing, and loving her life. I hope when she's in college and she sees that girl that's had too much to drink in the cute skirt and crop top that she isn't disgusted. I hope she's compassionate. I hope she reaches out and helps keep her safe. When she sees other women who have lost their power, I hope she's the kind of woman who will help them find it.
Here's MY opinion. Take it or leave it. I loved the halftime show. I grew up a dancer, a performer. I believe I was about 12 when I had my first thong jazz leotard. I performed in HOT two pieces and elegant dresses. I felt beautiful and powerful in both. I learned to love the art of dance and the thrill of being on stage performing. I understand that each costume was an extension of the art I was expressing with my body. When I watched JLo climb that pole, it was inspiring. She certainly couldn't have pulled that off in a Moomoo. But then again, maybe she could! I said I hoped I looked like her at 50, but the chances of that happening aren't slim to none, they're just none. What I do want at 50 is to remember the message I took away from her performance. I want to remember that women are beautiful, strong, and oh so powerful. I want to remember the aftermath and controversy and let it remind me of my job as a mother, a friend, and a fellow woman to lift up and empower other women. I hope to remember that because of the dismay of so many, people started doing some research, some of which I've read in the past 48 hours. I've learned that both JLo and Shakira have used their wealth and fame to support many charities, including helping women and children. I hope I'm always reminded to use what I have to help others.
To my own daughter, it's your body and your rules. I will raise you guided by my own moral compass but inside you lies your own. I will help you find it and follow it. Society doesn't get to tell you how to feel about being a woman. You get to decide what that means to YOU. I want you to know that standing in judgement of other women is always ugly. I want you to see the girl next to you in class that wears her hair long and always wears dresses to honor her God, and I also want you to see the woman that takes her clothes off to put food on the table for her children, as EQUALLY worthy of your love and compassion. I want you to know that we are all more alike than we are different. I want you to see that bad ass woman with half her head shaved, coaching in the NFL, and cheer her on! Also the cheerleaders on the sidelines and the woman having a cold beer in the stands. I want you to see performances by all kinds of women artists, in all kinds of wardrobes, and I want you to cheer them on! The momma with the toddler having a meltdown in the checkout...yep cheer her on too. (She's me!) Some of your hardest years are ahead. That's hard to imagine with all you've been through. They will be somewhat easier if you learn now to support the girls around you. Love them as they are. It will be a hell of a lot easier if you learn to love yourself. You will be judged at times. Love yourself anyway. Maybe even a little harder during those times. Love your body as it develops and changes. Love it still when you find your "freshman 15" and when you first see cellulite and stretch marks. Love all the beautiful things your body is capable of whether it's running a marathon, performing on stage, or giving birth to sweet babies. When you LOVE yourself, it becomes so much easier to love others. Extend grace to other women. Extend grace to ones you don't agree with, even when you don't think they deserve it. You too will need lots of grace along the way. You will have lapses in judgment and make some big mistakes. You will need others to extend grace to you, and that is perfectly ok. I am always here cheering you on. Be a force, my dear!
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