If you spent any time at all around my Papa and me, then you knew I was his favorite. I know this for sure because he told me all the time. You probably were too. He had a way of making everyone his favorite. His favorite daughter or son in law, his favorite grandbaby, favorite sister, favorite niece or nephew, favorite customer, favorite nurse. The truth is people were his favorite. I have never known anyone as good at people. He enjoyed company. He enjoyed making people laugh. He made your day a little brighter and lighter every time you had the opportunity to visit with him.
I spent the day with him the day he came home from the doctors office when they decided to begin Hospice care. He spent the next couple hours reflecting on his life. He shared some great stories about what life was like as a child and about what a calm and loving person his mother was. I think like most of us would during a scary time, he wanted his mother. He spoke about how hard life was at times and how he and his brothers and sisters helped each other through it. We talked about my Danmama sneaking us grandkids money and him pretending he didn't know...even though he always did. We laughed and cried. After a while he grinned that mischievous Melvin grin and paused. I waited wondering what funny story was coming. He looked at me and said "You know what, I couldn't be more proud of my family." He meant that with all of his heart and in that moment I knew that when God was ready to call him home, I too would be ready.
My Papa worked as hard as anyone. He started out with not much of anything and built a life to be proud of. He was a provider, and a protector. He loved his 3 girls more than anything in the world and they will tell you just how lucky they've always felt that he was their daddy. He spoiled us grandkids just enough and we will tell you for sure that no one got a better Papa than we did. He would say "I would give you $1,000 BUT it would make you too happy!" He loved to tease us. He always had so much fun with us grandkids and great grandkids and I know it's because he never lost his childlike spirit. I've learned so much from him about how working hard for things helps you value them that much more. Up until a month ago he was still working. He never retired. Just a couple days before he passed he was still having conversations about the cars on the lot.
One of my favorite things has always been asking Papa to tell me about his childhood. It was like opening the most interesting history book and uncovering how this man I loved so much became just who he was. My favorite story has always been about him meeting my Danmama. The story goes that they were in a cafe. She got up to play a song on the jukebox and then he used all his change to keep playing that same song over and over. She was so embarrassed she got up and left! He loved her from that day and for the rest of his life. He was such a devoted caretaker during all the years she was sick before her passing, and I never once heard him complain.
My Papa taught me drive. It started out with the few blocks between our house and his. He looked over at me after a couple blocks and said "You're gonna have to pick it up a little. We just got passed by a guy on a bike." I remember him pulling over in Lawton on the way home from a family reunion and he told me I was driving the rest of the way home. I took over and we approached a curve in the road. I said "Papa, do I need to slow down?" He said "no grandbaby, I usually speed up a little!" That's how he lived his life. He really didn't want to slow down for much of anything.
People say "sorry for your loss" I want to say this. We haven't lost him. We know exactly where he is. I come from a family of believers, and we know, as he would say, when it's our time to pass on to glory, we will see him again. We also know that even though he is no longer here with us physically, the love and the lessons he gave us will live on forever in our hearts and in the ways we each live our lives. Everything about knowing Melvin Bates was a gain. The laughter, the memories, the unforgettable smile! (Do not be sorry for our loss because we are grateful for our gain. )
