It's amazing how often I look at my life right now with pure gratefulness. Lately it's been about experiencing "firsts". We sat in Braums last week and I watched him eat his first ice cream cone with such excitement and I thought, "how lucky am I that I get to be here for this exact moment ." I looked at that blue ice cream all over his nose and cheeks and running down his neck and just appreciated the perfection that he is. I'm experiencing his first steps. He gets so eager that he wants to run. His Pop said months ago that he wasn't going to walk but just run. I think he may have been on to something. He's saying a few words now but completely on his own terms! We can stand at the door for 5 minutes trying to get him to say bye bye and then when I get him in his car seat, on the way home, he decides it's a good time. We took our first trip to the park. He loved sitting on the picnic blanket and watching everything going on around us. He loved the slide. (I realized my butt is a little big for the kiddie slide). We've celebrated his first birthday and gone to a birthday party for a special friend. We had our first photo shoot, and ohhh how I wish I could share these priceless photos with you all. I may be partial, but seriously his baby blues are to die for. I feel that I am experiencing great favor with each and every first. The magnitude of this rocks me to the core.
Even in the "not so great firsts", I am grateful that I am the one that gets to be there FOR him. I am his person. It's such a special position to have been appointed. This is the first time for this momma to experience teething. This has not been so fun. It seems like we catch a break for a few weeks and then bam right back at it. It has been exhausting and I envy all that have told me that teething wasn't so bad for their little ones. Molars have been a whole new hellish experience. I've relied on our village quite a bit lately. I called my mom a few days ago and said "I need you as soon as you're off work!" She later said she could sense the desperation in my voice. In that moment, I WAS desperate. I needed someone else to hold this baby boy while he flailed around. I had spent the whole day doing everything I could think of to try and make him more comfortable, and I was worn smooth out.
As if God was smiling down on us, the next day was full of giggles and cuddles and not a tear shed by either of us over teething. It seems to work that way. Sometimes I'm emotionally exhausted by the whole process, the system, the unknowns. I hate the not knowing. I hate thinking about him leaving and trying not to hope for him to stay...even when that's the hope of my heart. Just when I think my heart can't take anymore, he smiles a smile that shows off all those new teeth...he brings me the farm book for 999th time and crawls into my lap... He giggles or leans in for one of his super sloppy open mouth kisses. He melts my heart in the moments of exhaustion and his love fuels me again and again. I will ALWAYS cherish this season of firsts.
I remember standing around the piano as a little girl while my precious Aunt Norma played and listening to my Papa and his brothers and sisters sing beautiful gospel music. I felt closest to God in those moments. This comes to mind and perfectly expresses where I am in this chapter of my life's story.
Why me Lord
What have I ever done
To deserve even one
Of the blessings I've known
Why me Lord
What did I ever do
That was worth love from you
And the kindness you've shown