If I had a dollar for every time someone told me "I could never do what you're doing." "I would get too attached." "You're stronger than I am." "How will you let them go?" "I don't know how you do it." Here's the deal folks, I don't have some super human power that you missed out on. I also do not have the ability to live with and care for these two babies for over a years time and not be unbelievably attached. I could go on and on about the love I have for them but if you know us, or if you've even followed my blog, I think you already know that.
I don't really know what to say to these statements. I usually reply with an uncomfortable smile and insert a statement about faith. It really is a lot about faith. This was a leap of faith. I felt called to step into this role. I also felt all the same things that most people think..."Really God, I can't do this!" I've said before, I resisted and God's persistence won in the end. I couldn't walk into this like " uhm so I'll let some kids live here but that's it. No attachment." Nope...I jumped in with my full heart. I had a conversation somewhere in the midst of this with myself that went something like this..." God didn't call me to this to not see me through this." I take a baby step and I gain new strength. I take another step and I gain new strength. With each new found strength, my love has grown deeper and deeper for these boys.
Our time together is almost over, at least the way we now know it. We have only a few precious weeks left together and as difficult as this is, there is a sweetness in looking at the beautiful time we had together. I can only focus on how far we've all come, the love we've shared, and the memories we've made. I spent the end of my summer putting together their scrapbook. I'm amazed at all the good times we squeezed into a year. It has definitely been a year to remember for us all. The next few weeks will be bitter sweet for me. I will cry...and that's OK. I spent our first few weeks together crying so it seems fitting to end it that way too. We will laugh and play and continue to make the most of every moment we have. And when they leave, I know I will mourn. I will mourn the loss of the life that I, at one time, pictured. I will long for the sounds of silly boys playing in the next room and I will miss folding tiny clothes. I will miss them and it will hurt. I will pray for them every day and I will hope with all my heart that I will still be able to be in their lives.
My daddy always told me "hard times build character". I so believe those words. Although this will be more than hard, I trust that God will use this time to prepare me for what's next. I don't know what that is. I don't know if I'll continue to foster. I only know that my heart will be raw and that seems to be when God does his best work. I am open to what the next chapter holds. Grateful doesn't begin to express how I feel about the relationship I got to build with two very special boys.
So I say all that to say this...if you feel like God wants you to step up and foster then do it. You are strong enough. Your house is good enough. You have something to offer, otherwise, God wouldn't be speaking to you about it. Come see me some time in September and you'll see that even if I'm a little broken, I'm still alive. I'm stronger and better for having followed God's will for my life the past year. Bring wine if you'd like. 😉 I'll tell you, over a glass, why you too can change a life and be forever changed in the process.
As always, thank you all for the love and prayers. Much much love! ❤💙💙