I remember my freshman year of school (jr high)...
This was the first year of my life that I cared less about what other people thought of me and more about what I thought about myself. I started seeing the world...mostly my world but beginning to look outside of it and wondering why things were the way they were. I began to form lasting friendships...friendships that still carry me through my todays. I also made some really poor decisions...I wouldn't change them. They molded me, in so many ways, into who I am today.
FF..Freshamn year of college. I definitely had direction. I knew exactly where I wanted to be. Maybe too much. I had such a plan that I had left no space for a greater plan. I was seriously on that 5 year plan that included graduation, marriage, and babies! I was so focused that I couldn't even see what was right in front of me. If I could go back, I probably wouldn't, but if I did, I'd tell myself to relax. I'd tell myself that I didn't have nearly as much control as I thought I did. Man, I'd like to remind me to soak up the little moments and just enjoy life. I definitely could again say that in this freshman year, I formed some lifelong friendships and made some ridiculously stupid decisions. Also wouldn't change them. I am who I am today partly because of this year.
Big FF...freshman year of parenting?! I had 13 years of teaching experience and a few years of foster parenting under my belt before I was "official" so I'm not sure freshman status is fair. Not to mention, I absolutely adored and spoiled my friends' babies all the years in between. AND YET, I still have no idea what I'm doing! I told my friends the other day that parenting is just troubleshooting EVERY DAY without a guide. It's kind of hilarious to me that after 5,000 years of praying for a baby that God decided a pandemic was the best time to test out my official mothering skills. I really am laughing as I type this.
I prayed so hard so so hard. I remember seeing Abram for the first time and wanting to give him the world. Within a month of rocking him to sleep, I was totally and completely in absolute love with that little boy. It honestly was probably earlier than that, but I was in denial and trying to be everything it meant to be a "foster momma". My heart and his both knew that we needed each other forever.
A year later, Sister was the icing on the cake. She truly made us feel like a family. The timing of her coming to be with us was so perfectly aligned that EVERYTHING fell into place. Every single heart involved in the process was able to see that we three were meant to be a family.
Oh my heart couldn't have taken it going any other way. They are mine. I am so grateful...and grateful isn't nearly a big enough word.
This year has been hard. Our hard doesn't compare to those that have lost loved ones, the frontline workers away from their families, the teachers and students figuring out daily how to navigate virtual learning, those layed off from their jobs trying to figure out how to feed their families...I could keep going. If this freshman year of parenting has sharpened anything, it's my perspective. Looking way outside of me and mine and realizing just how blessed and privileged we've been.
I am grateful to have almost survived the year of the "threenager" in the midst of a pandemic (ugh is he seriously almost four). Also survived the preteen's whole world being flip flopped. I can't even imagine facing a year like this at her age. Super grateful that life slowed down enough for me to see and really appreciate it all. In the middle of all the hard, we pulled out board games, walked around the neighborhood, played in the backyard, had really hard conversations, trained a new puppy (kinda), watched really good movies, camped in the backyard, went on drives, ate extra ice cream, and loved each other so so much.
It's impossible to really put final words to this year...but the best I can do is to say I am so humbled that I get to momma them through these hard times. I love them with every piece of my heart and I also believe with all those pieces that brighter days are ahead...for us all.
Bless you all!! Thanks again and again for all the love and prayers that have gotten us this far. ❤❤❤
