Saying Yes to a Dozen

It's been awhile but honestly it's because my plate is so so full. People keep saying "two is two but three's a dozen". I feel that! The past 4 1/2 months have been full of adjustment but little by little we are making it happen. 

I've had lots of people ask me if I'd adopt her. I've one answer to that question since I started fostering. My agreement with God was "for as long as you need me".  Nothing about that has changed. The answer has a few more layers now because it's no longer just about me. Savannah, Abram and I had settled into life as a little family of 3. My home was closed to foster care and the consideration to ever foster again seemed like it would only be a possibility way down the road....then I got the call. As a family of three we said together "for as long as you need us". 

Saying yes means saying yes to the hard. The visitations, bridging with biological families under undesirable circumstances, court dates, homes visits, doctor visits paperwork and more paperwork, having my own life picked apart under a microscope. Saying yes also means saying yes to an immeasurable amount of blessings. Yes to more love. Yes to snuggles on Saturday mornings in pjs . Yes to taking care of boo-boos and hearing the word Ma, Momma, and sometimes bruh followed by I love you or Luhhhh Yoouuuu. Yes to being able to provide an opportunity for siblings to break cycles of generational povery and addiction. Yes to looking at each of their same big ears and giggling to myself every time. Yes to stability and commitment to make it through this life together. 

Since I haven't written in so long here's a little update on where we're at...

Savannah Ann...The Big Sis. She's 110% preteen. She mastered the blank stare months back that says "you're an idiot" "I'm cussing you out in my head", or "would you please just stop talking!". She's rockin the holy jeans and of course a hoodie in 110° weather. She's making close friends which hasn't always been easy. I think attachment is a scary thing. She's such a great helper around the house and does anything I ask to keep the house tidy. She is a bit unorganized (that'd be putting it nicely!) and that would probably be where she and I butt heads the most. I find out about everything pertaining to her needs or obligations last minute. When she struggles most, she withdrawals from me first. I don't let her. I will chase her to moon a million times to let her know I'm not going anywhere. Like it or not she's stuck with me FOREVER. She is still super passionate about archery and we love watching her in action. She's a smart cookie and when she keeps up with her homework (refer back to organizational skills) she is a kick ass student. We have lots of talks about kindness and about the kids that need it most. She works hard to seek those opportunities to just be kind. I said from the beginning she makes me a better me. I strive to be the example of a strong, kind, compassionate woman that I see her growing up to be. ❤

Abram...AKA King Abram. He thinks he's pretty much the boss of all things. He's more stubborn than anyone I know. Poor kiddo is the only male in a house full of girls! As my 3rd graders would say, he's girl trapped! Even the dogs are girls. He rolls with it. He has his little man cave where no girls are allowed without permission. You can usually bribe your way in with candy. It's been really hard on him to adjust to having baby sister in the house, but I'm watching his love grow for her. More chasing and laughing, tickling and wrestling. More moments where he asks her to sit by him and look at a book or watch his tablet with him. These moments didn't happen over night. There have been growing pains. He's started PreK this year and he loves school, his teachers and especially riding the bus. He's his normal ornery self and made it home with a couple "red faces" this month. Listening isn't his strong suit. He's an entertainer by heart. He could probably start his own podcast at age 4. He's a momma's boy and I honestly wouldn't want it any other way. We work hard though on being kind and respectful and talk lots about listening ears! He's so hilarious(without even knowing it) that even on my worst days I belly laugh at his stories. 💙

Little Sis...Our Gummy Bear. Whew, yall. I wasn't prepared. She's full speed ahead from the time she rises until the time she sleeps. She is quick and she is determined. If she wants something she will find a way. She can climb anything...I mean anything. She falls and gets right back up. She loves her family. She follows Sav around and watches her fixing her hair or cleaning around the house. She seizes every opportunity she can to dig in Savannah's box of fidgits even though she knows Savannah will get mad. She actually likes that part too as she smiles and giggles when anyone in the house chases her to get things she's not supposed to have. She thinks everything Abram does is funny and when he plays with her it makes her happiest. I have a feeling they will grow to be very close. She's an observer and wants to mimic any adult behaviors she sees. She wants to help wash dishes, fold laundry and help Pop pull weeds. Like the other two, she's a dog lover. She calls me Ma. 💜

As for me, I go to bed exhausted every. single. day. BUT my heart is so full. Self care has become more of a struggle and I know I must take care of me. I miss my monthly massge sessions and little things like having regularly shaved legs! I'm living on lots of coffee and lots of love right now. As we continue to find our groove, it'll all fall back into place. I am grateful for the hard as I've learned so much about GRACE. It has become the driving force for how I live my life...both giving it to myself and extending it to others. 💛

Thank you to all that love me and my children. Thank you for prayers, good vibes, amd well wishes. Sending my love right back to you! 

Sugar Plum

She's sugar and spice and everything nice...

She also has a temper and a scream bigger than seems necessary for that little body of hers. I'm learning more about her every day and love figuring out the things that make her giggle and smile. 

 I really thought in December of 2019 that our little family was complete. I was more than okay with that then. As 2020 passed by, we settled into just being a family. We enjoyed the long spring and summer and the extra time it leant us to just be. We grew in so many ways. In a million ways it was perfect, but somewhere in the midst of the long quarantine, my heart began to stir. Although I didn't miss the paperwork, the home visits, or the court dates, I missed foster care. Maybe it was that, or maybe it was a precious baby girl that I knew was maybe supposed to be a part of our family. I tried to push the thought aside but she was always there in the back of my mind. She already had a piece of my heart. 

On Friday, my mom and I were getting ready for a garage sale when I got the call. I thought to myself, as I listened to them talk, that my response should be "let me think it over". I defaulted to yes instead. I stood there in the middle of my garage sale items and scanned for all things baby. I grabbed the car seat and pack n play, tucked the stroller into the back of the garage and walked back into my house shaking my head. Was I really going to do this again? For her, yes. 

The first night I woke up at around 4am and had a good cry because I realized I had forgotten to feed my kids that evening. My friends assured me if they had been that hungry then they would have spoken up. We were so consumed with taking in this precious little whirlwind that had come through our door. Two days later I almost did it again. That night me and Abram had a lovely dinner date in the kitchen after baby went down for the night. I guess in these moments you realize how unimportant it is to get things perfect all the time. The imperfect has a way of becoming so perfect. The night before all of our first day back to daycare,  school, and work, I had gotten things super organized and was so happy when everyone was in the car, happy, and on time. I think I probably even had a little smirk on my face like "look at me killin it"! We started backing out of the driveway when Abram stands up out of his car seat and says "Mom you forgot to buckle me!" 

The first days are always hard...like really really hard. All you really want is time to bond and get into a groove that works with this newly changed dynamic. Life and foster care don't really work that way though. You sign the million papers, respond to the million texts, and try to talk to all the people that help all the things align.  We've been running around like crazy the past few days but with the help of our amazing family, we're getting through these hard first days. My Sav is so amazing with baby girl. I swear she just blows me away time and time again with her ability to adapt and roll with the changes. Abram is having some pretty big growing pains not being the baby anymore. Let's just be real, I've babied that boy a lot. I wouldn't change it at all though. He's my baby boy forever. He's spending, by choice, a lot of extra time in his little man cave. Who can blame him? He's the only boy in a house where even the dogs are girls! I have no doubt he will adjust and thrive with the changes in due time. 

We're making it work...we might not be 100% killin it, but we're definitely working together and making it work.  Sometimes being a family means making sacrifices on things we want to make sure everyone gets what they need. I am beyond proud of my kids for their willingness. 

We thank you all for the many many gifts that have made this transition so much easier. We ask for your prayers and especially as we travel the road of foster care again. It's not always smooth but we will press on. 💙❤💜